Build clarity so boundaries are fair, trust is possible, and real harm is taken seriously.
Why This Matters
In a healthy culture, harm is recognized and addressed—and discomfort is worked through without turning it into an accusation.
But in many relationships, workplaces, and communities, the two get blurred.
When discomfort is treated as harm, growth stalls.
When real harm is treated as “just discomfort,” people stay unsafe.
TEG-Blue Insight
From a TEG-Blue perspective:
- Harm is when someone’s words, actions, or neglect cause real injury—emotional, physical, or systemic. It leaves a wound that needs repair.
- Discomfort is the unease we feel when we’re challenged, stretched, or confronted with a truth we don’t want to see. In Protect–Defense Mode, discomfort can feel like harm because our nervous system flags it as danger. The skill is to slow down, check the reality, and name it accurately.
Step-by-Step Guide
- Name what happened – Describe the action or words without adding interpretation.
- Check the impact – What actually changed for you? Safety? Dignity? Ability to participate?
- Look for patterns – Is this part of ongoing treatment or a one-time event?
- Assess intent vs. effect – Intent matters, but effect determines whether repair is needed.
- Name your state – Are you in Protect–Defense Mode? Is your body reacting as if it’s danger?
Quick Template
Event: [what happened]
Impact: [what changed for you]
Pattern: [ongoing or one-time?]
Intent: [if known]
State: [Belonging or Defense Mode?]
Conclusion: [discomfort or harm]
Next step: [repair, conversation, or self-reflection]Examples (Before/After)
Confusing Discomfort with Harm:
“You criticized my work—that’s harmful.”
Clearer Distinction:
“Your feedback was hard to hear, but it didn’t damage my ability to work or feel safe here. I’m just uncomfortable, and I need time to process.”
Reflection
When we can tell the difference between discomfort and harm, trust grows.
People can challenge each other without fear of false accusations, and true harm is taken seriously instead of getting lost in noise.
Practice Prompt
Think of a recent moment when you felt “hurt.”
Write it out using the template above, and see if it was actually harm—or discomfort that carried important growth.
TEG-Blue™ is a place for people who care-about dignity, about repair, about building something better. It’s a map, an invitation, and a growing toolbox, as an evolving commons—supporting emotional clarity, systemic healing, and collective wisdom. Here, healing doesn’t require perfection—just honesty, responsibility, and support.