Harm justified as deserved
Were you ever told that someone hurt you “because they loved you”?
This model helps explain why that never felt like love.
It reframes harm as help—pain as discipline, shame as a motivator. It teaches that consequences only count if they wound. And it turns retaliation into something that looks like accountability.
4.3.0 – Introduction — The Punishment Model
- Harm reframed as help: “you needed this.”
- Pain treated as discipline, shame as motivator.
- Retaliation mistaken for accountability.
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4.3.0 – Introduction to The Punishment Model4.3.1 – Humiliation Disguised as Honesty
- Cruelty framed as truth-telling.
- “Brutal honesty” used to wound, not connect.
- Kindness dismissed as weakness.
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4.3.1 – Humiliation Disguised as Honesty4.3.2 – The Logic of Loyalty
- Loyalty demanded as silence or endurance.
- Speaking truth reframed as betrayal.
- Survival pattern: harm swallowed to prove devotion.
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4.3.2 – The Logic of Loyalty4.3.3 – The Cycle of Internalized Blame
- Being hurt mistaken as proof of guilt.
- Self-punishment becomes control: “it’s my fault.”
- Chronic self-blame mistaken for maturity.
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4.3.3 – The Cycle of Internalized Blame4.3.4 – When Consequences Become Revenge
- Revenge disguised as fairness or justice.
- Retaliation celebrated as accountability.
- Pain recycled instead of repaired.
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4.3.4 – When Consequences Become Revenge← Back ┃ Main Page The Punishment Model ┃ Next →